my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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