awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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