i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
