____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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