I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
