Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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