dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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