thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
