Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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