There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
