True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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