So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
