why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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