I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
