dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
