I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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