Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
