So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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