I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
