And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
