I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
