saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
