she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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