so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
