physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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