now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just gift wrapped bread.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
