I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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