You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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