Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
