Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
