My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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