ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
