i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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