I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
