There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
