How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
