woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
