Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
