i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
