Grow some girl-balls and come out already
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
