oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
