i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
