whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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