i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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