If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
