i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
