My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize