K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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