Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
