my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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