I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She needs sedatives and a leash
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
