So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You ruined the universe
Randomize