But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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