well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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