Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
