So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
