Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
