I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
