capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
