jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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