I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone shit on the floor
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
