Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
