Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
