Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
