He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
