I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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