so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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