Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Randomize
