I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
