I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
