I'm lost and stupid without you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
