hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
