And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
